Such a wise old sage for such a young piece of...talent. But I've long felt I have too many readers, so why not take this opportunity to alienate as many as I can by spewing my opinion on politics.
I get needled from time to time at the bar in attempts to goad me into a political conversation, but as politics is most certainly an inappropriate topic for barroom banter, I will share my opinions here (provided my editors let me get away with it).
"Gee Hal, who are you voting for?"
The answer is this - I still have no idea. I'm one of those undecided voters, wholly unimpressed with his choices and hoping the debates can help me decide. But in the end I know I'll just be left yearning for more from the electoral process.
This may come as a surprise to anyone who might know my political affiliation, but over the years I have become an increasingly disaffected Republican who's shocked by the party's willingness to kowtow to the far right.
I used to work for the Republicans in Vermont, which is kinda like stumping for the Tories in West Belfast - not too many people want to listen to what you have to say. In '92 as a college freshman I campaigned for Bush the Elder, but by the time my senior year rolled around I was certainly less enthusiastic. When they put Bob "Viagra" Dole up against the most charismatic president since JFK, I shook my head in disbelief. Kemp/Dole would have beaten Clinton/Gore in '96, but Dole/Kemp obviously didn't. Nevertheless, the 2000 election comes around and I'm in good spirits. I go to bed one night confident that John McCain will be the next president of the United States, but I seemingly wake up the next morning with George W. Bush as my party's golden boy and I ask myself, "What the hell just happened here?" I should have known then that some darker force was pulling the strings behind this thing.
I voted for Nader in 2000 under the absurd pretense of a protest vote, which in hindsight was rather careless. I mean really, would you want Ralph Nader in charge of the free world? I certainly can't argue with his accomplishments as an activist, but he has the leadership charisma of a court-appointed public defender. For the love of God I would appreciate a realistic choice outside of two guys who both suck, so it's my job to pick the least sucky.
One thing the Nader vote did grant me was the ability to say with pride over the last four years is that I didn't vote for Bush. The recklessness of his domestic agenda has only slightly been overshadowed by his maverick foreign policy. Give this guy and his people another four years and we could be in for some shocking results - at home and abroad. Throughout history there are numerous examples where any student of the subject wonders how the hell a person rose to power, and the pure fact of the matter was, no one else stood up and adequately challenged him.
If John Kerry loses this election, it's entirely his own fault for not taking a stand on anything. What I don't know is what John Kerry would do to improve anything. The guy couldn't be more vague unless he was pediatric surgeon explaining an appendectomy to his 8-year-old patient. "This is bad - I'm going to take it away and make it all better. Now breathe the air from the mask while I count to three..."
The fact that New Jersey is actually up for grabs is indicative of how ineffective Kerry's campaign has been. Because I believe my vote should be indicative of trust in that person, not a resignation to the fact that he's not as contemptible as the other guy.
Meanwhile, the current administration has been mind-numbing in its direct disregard for public opinion, and the fact that the president couldn't secure the popular vote in 2000 goes to show you how disenfranchised the average American truly is (I'm not even mentioning the Florida debacle here). I know the electoral college was initially established to keep us city-slickers from dominating the political process and silencing the rubes of Middle America, but reform to that system has never been proven more necessary than now.
So there you have it, political analysts - figure out how to woo the bitter, disenchanted vote and you'll have mine. I'm not the apathetic slacker you might make me out to be. On the contrary, I've taken quite an interest in the issues of this election, which explains why I'm so pissed off. And I'd be willing to bet I'm not the only one. Perhaps we're the "soccer mom vote" of the 2004 election. Good luck trying to get us - it'll take more than a sax solo on late night TV or an aircraft carrier photo op to do the trick.
******************************************************* Christopher M. Halleron, freelance writer/bitter bartender, writes a biweekly humor column for the Hudson Current and websites in the New York Metro area. He spends a lot of his time either in front of or behind the bar in Hoboken, New Jersey where his tolerance for liquor grows stronger as his tolerance for society is eroded on a daily basis. Feel free to drop him a line at c_halleron@yahoo.com.
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